Facing Fears...

Renewal and love...

I had become very jaded when it came to the matters of the heart. I think I had stopped trying or caring. I threw myself into my creative and interlectual learning and in all honesty I still am more satisfied with that than anything else.For a time I have lived almost like a hermit to that dedication of study. I believe I hid behind it for years.I have led a most unusual life. Love is essential to existance and as much as I love art, it can never replace sharing with another soul. It is hard for me to digest all this within my new reality as this is a scary process. I have a tendency to panic becoming afraid, behave quite awkwardly and clumsily. I am a coward at heart really. I have repeated destructive patterns in relationships so I really had to clear my mind and heart of the past rather than confuse another person with this unhealed self. I am in the embryo of an understanding of what it is to be me. I needed renewal and the ablilty to care again. I have become very personal now in my writing but to me this has taken on the journey of honesty away from the illusions I created for myself. It means being vulnerable to art which is life. It is reaching to the core of being human. I am an artist and this is the strongest part of my identity than any other facet of myself but it is time for renewal and love inspite of my fears. It means risking again. The body politic, a person's right to self determination and control over one's own body, is an important right. It is the final stage in self acceptance and confirming the right 'to be'. It is as natural to the human undestanding as anything else - it is vital 'food'. That is the problem many 'Catholics' like myself failed to understand. It is my point of departure from my faith which was, as you remember, my intial struggle. It was a battle!I believe I speak for many like me when I say this. So here's to love and may it be in abundance. It is still a gentle and gradual process for me -acceptance. May the heavens provide this food with love..peace and continued existance in its essence...

Aligning Centers...

Why was going through this process of self realization necessary? I was fractured within my self and as a person. I was lost, conflicted and confused. I had become an alchoholic and yet all of this information was operating within my mind. I was angry! My writing and visual art seemed not to connect in any major interlectual way and my spirtuality was all over the place with no common through line. I had and have a lot of information stored up. It was impossible for me to develop any one style or a complete 'voice' as I did not really know where I was coming from as a person - I had many. At best all were shallow affectations of where I wished to be creatively.I knew all these facets of myself were all connected somehow but did not know how to align them. My full acceptance had to include my spirtuality above all else and I knew that the creative mind would follow. This was my path to freedom. I felt trapped and did not understand why. It was essentially about being honest with myself and having the courage to speak my truth. It seemed like I was revealing the world to others but in actual fact I was unveiling myself to myself. This whole process I understand carries more importance to me than anyone else but I hope I may have touched on some universal 'truths' that may inform or help others undersand better themselves or someone who like me was going through this struggle. I have a tendency to be far too abstract so I hope I did it with some clarity. I enjoy simplicity and my creative expression both in writing and the visuals is evolving into that. It is a unique passage so I know there will be points of departures from how another may perceive things. I encourage others whomever you may be to do the same critical work about yourselves. The creative process is a wonderful way to do it in and it could just start with a written diary or pictures. It may not come out in the images or the spiritual symbols I have seen but you have your own imagination and special things that relate to you - you have an imagination and the ability to love.That essentially what this has been -a diary of my life. I wanted this transition to evolve with myself and artistic expression and I shared it with you. I am more centered now and can develop mind, creativity and spirit better. I have a source from which to work from and all is going according to plan..Good luck...peace...

The Elephant and Sun Flower...

I saw the image and symbol of the Elephant and then the Sun Flower today - all good...

The White scarf...( To be continued)

A young man sat on a rock under a small bush of trees one bright summer's day. Clouds filled the sky as he watched from the shade under a lush of green leaves. His eyes squinted to see past the glare of the sun. There in the distance, was the figure of an old lady. She walked slowly with a slight limp as she sauntered along the road. Her hands hung heavy with a basket of bags overflowing with ripe fruit. Suddenly as if instructed, she placed the load down before her feet and wiped her forehead clean in the hot sun. She reached into one of the bags and pulled out a white scarf that had held a few mangoes within it. Then retrieving a small plastic bottle of water, she pored it gently along the worn edges of the scarf. Her hands pulled tightly as she wrapped it around head. Cool water slowly trickled down her wrinkled forehead. She picked up the basket of bags and continued on her way. The man wondered if she was going to the Market and thought he should relieve her of the burden. Thinking the woman to be too proud, he decided to follow a little of the way in case she needed some help. It was not long until the old woman turned down through a small, unpaved trail. 'This is not not the way to the Market' he thought to himself. 'Where could she be going?'The old woman walked on for a while then slowed down to stop near a little, round whole that had been dug into into the earth. She began to place her mangoes and some the other fruit inside while setting her white scarf around them. 'What in heaven's name could she be doing?' the young man thought again. The old lady looked on impatiently. 'What is wrong with this? She muttered to herself. She breathed deeply then re arranged the fruit carefully and stepped back again...(to be continued)

God and love forever...energy, light and peace

Starry night...

Atoms...and the Cosmos...

An atom is fundementally a piece of matter ( matter is anything that can be touched physically) Everything in the Universe (except energy) is made of matter therefore the universe is made entirely of atoms...Energy and light accompanies it...

Chicken or Egg part 2...

Why do I believe in a God? I have faith and I intuitively feel some presence within me that makes me believe I am not alone in spirit. Perhaps that is not adequate for the non believer who has every right like me to question existance. For me it is not the question of which came first the chicken or the egg but where did atoms come from and who created them. From an athiest's perspective, it was the big bang and according to them, it is what created time as well. Perhaps science has an answer but it is just as ambiguous as the question itself and not proven either. I believe in an intelligent design of the Universe. This is pure faith as I cannot prove this. I have my imagination and great text of philosophies from which I draw inspiration. I have art.There is room for doubt and I do sometimes. I reserve that right. The point I am trying to make is that there must always be questions and reasoning happening when arguing points of everything. I believe we are both right and some truth to the athiest as I know the concept of 'nothingness' in which a God does not exist - there is nothing. It is a point where everything can happen and where everything can exist. I do not mean to be trite or try to explain fully something with my simple mind that is far too abstract to fathom. Simply put, the point of creating everything exists when there is nothing there. I believe there is energy always. It allows for new beginnings from a point of infinity. At that point we ourselves can join with God to co-create with equality - the micro meeting the great macro. I am still humble to know the greater hand exists in 'nothingness' that goes on forever which I can only meet fully I imagine until death. No one can create an atom but the imagination lives on forever...peace

Standing...

strong back
bending
lifting
early morning
late evening
carts and crates
planks of wood
cans of house paint
smell of latex
artist's colors
brush
between
taxies and ferry boats
by the harbor...

'Voice' and the art of loving...

A thought came to me last evening as I drove home from my usual coffee break after work, how is it that there are people who feel they are entitled to life more than others, and that they are the only ones to claim an identity within it? The Bahamas is very bad for this.I say this with regards to creativity and finding one's spiritual center to exist within. Who has that right to deny this God given right. I definitely know I do not have it. I believe it is why we have all been put here - to know ourselves. Generally in most cases it is as if one has to fit into some mold that another has made irrespective if that shell fits or not. Ultimately it fills one with a sense of fear and feelings of self hatred.This has never worked for me as I have always felt displaced where ever I have been including the Bahamas. I have stopped trying to 'squeeze' my reality to conform to some sort of Caribbean sensibility as I don't feel that I quite belong there either without feeling like a second class citizen. Does this mean I should take a back seat to my own life and existance with my 'voice' denied because it does not fit a consensus of what another should be by some other? Who does this and really how can they stop another's right 'to be'? It is about control and power and really it is done as much by our 'ecclectic' elites as well as a cultural mob who insits that everything must be done their way.I feel I can stand on my own as an artist and have done the work yet I meet up with these people again and again. I have had to declare myself away from them and find my own space to create within. I have chosen these blog entries and the work I do out on the wharf to express within. I believe I bring a fresh outlook from my perspective and if it wasn't for these two creative outlets I would have nothing here. I have now declared my independence away from it all and will start sending my work out to private publishers as well as selling them down at the wharf. It is a bigger pool to operate from but I feel more satisfied in attempting to enter this arena instead of these other realities. I love telling stories and writing poems.- I like doing them better when they are not about me I switch between the two. I need to create irrespective of our cultural dicotomy and stupid prejudices. People hate you here if they don't like your family or your political persuation and that is how deep we go to restrict another's creativity and right to self expression. It is an ugly war and nasty things are said about many people. I try not to engage in it but it takes real stamina to resist. It requires rising above and sometimes looking and reaching outside to go around it. I believe this happens to many here and it is extremely unprogressive. It is important for one to develop 'voice' as a human being whomever you may be and I uge you to abandon, if you have not already done, these shallow understandings if they do not relate to you. I prefer to let it all wash through so as to start afresh. I believe I have a spiritual gift.Freedom means just that - being free and one should never be afraid of expressing who one is even if that right is denied. Creativity requires the imagination and anything that limits that or you is oppression. It is done intensionally here to fit into an order of control and power structure. One may be criticised but that is the price you pay when you live in a world of views but you have a right to defend it and especially to be it. If there is any consolation and my opinion matter for a moment, I love people for being themselves. Power, peace and love, continue to be...

Touched...(and thank you)

Time and change...

There are rumors but our time on the dock may be soon up. I don't know.Perhaps it is time for a change. I always welcome it.I have been home for the past five years and it feels like a lifetime. I have had two deaths in my family of close members and recovery has been hard. I have worked through a lot of personal issues publicly and I have placed myself solidly in two creative worlds, my visual art and creative writing . I have come through it all and survived- I spoke out for survival. It was my breath. I have always had sand in my shoes and the thought of renewing my travels has come again. I suspect it will not be too long until I pack up my 'Georgie bundle' and be on my way to some where. It could take a couple of years from now but my mind is set on moving on. I have these two projects I wish to complete and have met some beautiful people along the way especially the young. They have touched me profoundly and I have reached depths I have never reached before. All is growth. I think the reason I needed to come back home was to align my past with my present. I believe I have things still to do in the future. Before I die, I wish to travel to far off lands to see some of these wonderful spiritual monuments I have spoken about from Hindu to Buddhist temples, to the great Mosque in Cordoba in Spain. I wish to write and tell stories set up on a hill some where. I want to paint my life away. It is my food and my dream. Still time to think about it but it feels that the time is drawing near. We shall see but for now, I wish you all love and thank you for letting me share my story. I never know what it appears like as I always have so many things going around in my head. I hope still more to come...be at peace...

The Cold chill

The river
ran wild
with the wind
water running
off the icy bank
on a dark
ottawa night
we walked
in its chill
heart pressed
to foot
hair blowing
fast in the rush
love unspoken...

An Architect of my being...

I am
the architect
of my 'being'
soulfully designed
strong in time
released
into stone and marble
I am
in sorrow
for mourn filled days
grown into slabs
on an obelisk
cemented with
tears and blood
the corner stone
of my reality
I soar through clouds
surviving
as a sky scraper
standing tall
I am...

Claiming self...

What I say about claiming the individual self may be intimidating to some but having travelled without it for a long time however just left me lost. I suspect I shall just have to stay with those who are more secure with themselves to meet this total person. I am not you, I am me.It is a journey I have just begun. It does include everything I have exposed onto these pages and it has a very complex spiritual and interlectual understanding. I am a creative artist. Anything less would be doing myself an injustice. I do not see myself as better than any other just an equal. This society is not culturally set up that way.I am now looking foreward to getting into a studio and releasing a lot of these ideas onto canvas and other. It must now go beyond being out on the wharf and selling tourist items. I am always in some sort of controversy so whomever I end up with is going to have to understand that. I can take my time. I have never been afraid to push the envelope. These recent revelations about myself have been the most daring and I was petrified at what the reaction would be- I know what our culture is like. There are some who still fear themselves, therefore they fear me. Others are in some sort of compitition to get their ideas about these things over another but I am the only one who can frame my own identity. It is not their right particualrly outside of me. I am no spokes man so for those I just ignore as they appear more interested in power. You will either accept me or not. I am past trying to be liked... 'I am'...peace

ps...

I must say in my studies and experiences with people, I found there was some who felt ashamed of their culture but from where I stood much of that I saw I found beautiful...just a thought...

No Justice, no peace...

Assimulation and a process of recovery...

Most Native and African peoples I know are in some sort of recovery. Much of their culture over the centuries has been assimulated by Western and European culture thus there is a process of reclaiming some of what has been lost to generations which has frustrated its natural evolution. There needs to be more justice about it. It is a sensitive topic for many around the world and really there should be a better understanding of why this dialogue needs to take place. People are often afraid of the subject because there is a lot of anger surrounding it.The challenges of Modern culture puts additional pressure for further assimulation. I do not wish to confuse this with what I mean by Modernity. Actually, many Modern artists drew much of their inspiration by exploring these various earth cultures including Eastern philosphies. They, like I, were idealists that saw universal truths in many of our realities. Most of what I have put onto my blog can be studied but one must remember that they came through the creative process - some were quite new to me. I wish to explore these earth cultures because it is healing and they are traditionally spiritual by Nature at its core. I am very European when ready and in a global world we borrow and steal from many things. I prefer to keep it that way. There is much I can learn from everybody. I am also of mixed heritage so I will naturally see things within some sort of hybrid. I walked around in confusion for many years about it but I have found some reconciliation between the two, Europe being just as important to this process. I believe there are two Bahamas operating, those who exist in the energy of light and positivity and they are doing progressive things, the other is the darkness of loss and dispair. Culture can spring form both but it is this 'darkness' that evil can occurr. This is not a class or race but those who have given up on hope or themselves. I had to make the grown up decision to decide which world I wished to be a part of. I have chosen the light. It does mean abandoning those 'old' ideas that restrict progressive thought from happening. In this I see much hope for a Nation and now for myself. The problem that occurs with many cultures going through the 'reclaim of self' is its adaptablitiy to 'modern' realities in its desire for more equality whether women's or gay rights for example in anew technical age. This has fractured and splintered a people. It all sounds tragic but this schism does ensure that discussions do eventually take place as in my circumstance. It was important for me to speak now and claim self. It is justice.My loyalty is to the progress to our Democracy as this safeguards all of our rights. I'm here now and will make a little drop toward that reality - my instrument art!...peace, love and justice....

Peace and Justice...

Studio work...

It is now time to get into a studio to work with some of this creative energy. Peter Brook, the well known Modern British Theatre director wrote a book entitled 'The empty space'. In it he goes into the great detail about the metaphysics of what that 'space' means regarding an infinite diversity of reality. 'Space' is all that is required to create within to do this exploration. It is important for me to do this work now as 'if art is about life then life itself must be questioned'. There must be continuous investigation.This is about my evolution as a person that includes my spiritual, scientific and aesthetic reality which I believe converges at one centre.I would love to begin with some sculptures using stone and other materials but this will have to wait due to the economy. I do not only use painting, I enjoy constructing with found objects to build on concepts and ideas so I will continue to use discarded material like I have been doing out on the wharf...peace and love...

Light and Love...

I felt it was important to take the route I have gone down as an artist and with regards to my personal acceptance of self. I intend to grow creatively with these revelations free of fear. Some of these ideas may appear cliched to some but I believe them to be 'truth'. It is also about the creator's acceptance of me. I believe I have it and am what I was created to be. Based on what was going around, my confidence was shaken about the entire thing. Demagogues can make you believe that they are right and you have no right based on what they believe . It is a presumption based on an arrogance that sees only 'their' way as being the only way. They are not satisfied just to live according to their conscience but want you to live under thumb to it. Psychologically, I had fallen into many of their 'oppressive' traps. It is a necessary journey I make. A Democracy relies on two things, what a majority of a collective decides for a community based on its laws but more importantly guaranteeing an individual's right to challenge what these laws are with regards to personal freedoms. This is sacrosanct. It really does depend on what the question is that is being asked but everyone should have that right. The problem with the Bahamas is we do not accept readily another's right even if it is Law that is there to protect that individual. Many believe that this will open up the flood gates to issues such as gay unions and perhaps it will but what is wrong with that? If two consenting adults wish to live together in love who should be the one to stop that and what harm does it cause any other? Does it break down the family? My assertion is that gay people are a part of that family structure and also have rights.I am offended by many lifestyles here but because we tolerate them culturally then some how it is accepted. They have become the norm. A person should have that right to decide for themselves how they wish to live their lives as long as it is conducted to respect the other's right. It is when issues are not discussed maturely and openly that things become twisted and distorted. It is unhealthy for a Community not to do so and where abuses happen the most. Judging from extra marital affairs and the many illegitimate children going around, the union of marriage is something that has never really been respected here. Who is to judge based on this we have already accepted collectively. It is hypocrisy. I am not advocating anything merely drawing allusions to some fears that have been expressed. Minority rights are respected here according to law but there is still much discrimination within this society regarding them. So I say to anyone who may be going through this struggle follow your own path and live it with confidence as it is your entitlement beyond the demagoguery and hypocrisy of others. You may pay for it however, I am a poor artist simply because I have stepped on many 'toes'. It is justified when living according to conscience and standing up for what is right. I have learned one thing in my short life, nothing comes easy and you have to work at anything to make it happen...peace, love and light...

Light, energy, love and the power of acceptance...

From the personal to the Universal...

I must repeat that this is just my personal journey which includes my own philosophies. It is intended to share in a truth that I believe relates to the Universal: That which touches us all. It is my aim. Actually, I am very private with my space and this has more to do with a personal transcendence to help growth as a human being and an artist. I fall short of this ideal often. It has been a process of deconstruction, one I needed to do to have a greater freedom with myself. By accepting myself, I am able to accept others more. For those who there is an impasse, I say we are on different levels of our path or on a separate journey. I prefer to stay away form them now. Those who are comfortable with themselves who do not feel threatened by another are now those who I call community. I guess I may appear strange to some but this is a life's dedication. It is my vocation and I have worked hard at it. These understandings are ones in which I do not stand alone but follow a trajectory of other intellectuals and creative artists. I ask you now to join with me in my discoveries. My gift is the sharing...peace...

Peace...

Symbols and images...

The images and symbols I am seeing now are of the triangle pointed upward(Godhead), the six and five pointed stars (humankind and Godhead) and the circle (infinity). Of course there is my image of the butterfly and the eye. This is about harmony and balance. I do not know much about it other than a lay person's perspective but my imagination has led me to the solar system where is constant creation of light and energy. We shall see how this materializes. It means the abandonment of all secular narratives including many spiritual texts...peace...

Pure beauty...

The Solar system...Creation of light and energy

Love is freedom...

Modernity with line and space...

I have reduced my paintings to simple line in space. I do use 'tourist' themes to make my dollar but this is a formal study in the liberation of line in space which brings greater freedoms. They have become so simple that it may not appear that is what I am doing. I believe that within a single concentrated line of light comes the most condensed colours in the spectrum. I have come to realize that line is merely energy and light which should reflect this prism. I have not gotten around to examining this yet but I intened to begin this study fully without reservation. It is what I have aspired to in my creative philosphies which has taken on spiritual and physical dimensions. This is not religion but an essence. The term 'essense' when translated means 'to be'. My journey to include myself in relation to a greater universe has expanded to reach this creative revelation. Sadly, I do think of this more than anything else. I am an artist. Creating a line in space for me is an act of liberation of body, spirit and mind. It is not a solid entity but made of energy and light. This is the transformation I am discovering within my understanding of the process. I kept hoping that my art would become more abstract as I found these newer understandings but the reverse has happened. I have become more minimalistic and a reductionist of form. My art really lacked the exploration of color but I believe now that line is color as it is light and energy. I am beginning to remove the personal and historical narrative of line and story to create a greater freedom. This takes real courage...'to be'.... If I were to do a proper painting for me now it may only consist of just line and space. This was a lesson of the great Modernists. I will be braver now to take this a stage further to explore these other realities. This is difficult where I work so I might just have to go into a studio now in a more intimate environment and space. Hard to sell this on the wharf but I may just try...peace and love...

Line in space...

Freedom...

Life is being free...

Mountain High...

On a Mountain high

upon a golden sun crest

resting above

the trees and lakes

returning to

our final hour

where love

soars like an eagle

over a sooty plain

when you and I

shall meet again

through heaven's highest gate

to see with eyes

immortalized

passed the mountain's door...

Mind, Body and Spirit...

It is now important for me to take more seriously health issues with Mind, Body and Spirit. If you are making this journey along with me toward good health, them let us share this together. This is going to hard as I have picked up some bad habits over the years. I have cut down in my smoking but this seems more difficult to stop than drinking. I had a tendency to chain smoke. I must take it more seriously. I must also begin with a proper diet and although I hate it work in some kind of excercise. With mind, I must exist now with more clarity and positivity. All is sacred...peace with you on the road to recovery...

Hearts...

I hate to put this symbol down as it is one I really do find corny but I did see them. It could mean someone's fallen in love with me or I with myself. If the former, I may just keep that one private. It could happen, I am not a bad person just poor and drive a broke down jalopy. If you can put up with me being an artist who believes in possiblitites then we just might get a long. I may never see them in a lifetime however, so we would exist in hope. That is not a bad place to be...

Honest words brings truth...

I can begin to write now properly and intellegently as a writer with the full intension of challenging some of these existing norms which frustrate the process. It is the heart that brings truth and will reflect in one's words. One must have courage to speak them without apology, better yet to live them. If fear be an obstical then fight that within your self. Most people wish as little complication in their lives, so do I but as an artist It is my purpose to reflect my soul with honesty. It is merely my opinion but is a centre where I create from. It is the essence of my existance I strive for. I have given many images and symbols that relate to many cultures. I am not a real student of any of them. There are people who are but they did come to me through the creative purpose. It is important to remember that I saw them in the light of love and the correct version should bring that if applied properly to universal principles. It is as the creator intended. I am older now but speak with many young people. They bring me inspiration and I sense their frustration. I pray God gives them courage and strength to make the changes that need to happen here. I support them.I am not a politician and hate it absolutley. It appears to be the most ugliest of our realities and the most hateful. People are joining hands in the Bahamas now if not with me that is ok because I speak with everybody underneath my coconut tree. It is our old Bahamian way. I have no power but my words and art which I have dedicated my life to. To speak in the first person is not ego but I am hoping to take you through a transition which has been very personal to me. It is my sharing of a journey. I felt I needed to explain the metaphors within a spiritual context I use in my work as they are not spoken about in today's age and many of these philosphies have been forgotten or not taught correctly. Each person has their own reality. I can only speak for me. My problem is I fall in love far too easily with everything sometimes. It is my hopless optimism which can be very dissappointing and then I go through a negative period. Is our reality going to be African, European, any other, man or woman, gay or straight. I hope it will be a part of the every as our Bahamian reality. We each share this space we call home and should make up our part equally. It is how progress happens away from ego. It is starting at zero to create endless possibilties...peace love and eternity...

Love and the act of Liberation...

It is easy for me to feel detached from this Bahamian community. When that happens I can go into a tirade of what is wrong with it. There is much that is right when 'voice's' are heard through the smog of power, greed and hate. There is much power in words when spoken with courage and honesty. It must have been difficult for a figure like Martin Luther King jr to keep preaching the virtues of loving your enemy amidst their hatred and bigotries - some refuse to love you. It can be overcome. It was the profound message of Christ and is your higher glory. Children are dying in the streets predominately our young males and this should be understood within the context of a larger single 'voice' of a Nation which should include all of us not with just a few elites leading. 'Majoritism' in a term given when the majority rules but in a functional democracy the rights of the minorities are also guaranteed. I must state that within an understanding of our Nation's history that I am talking than more than just race or culture but a person's right to self determination, that is liberty. It is good food to digest in a Democracy.The gap between the rich and poor is widening in the Bahamas and yes this does include gay people as well. This hypocrisy must also be exposed. A liberal education is the key that includes everything and ever body not just what we wish for 'them' to learn in a 'tourist' economy. It is important in a new global environment. These are powerful tools that empower the individual to make active choices in their lives. A 'voice' for a Nation should include the many not just the chosen few. This must begin at the 'root' of our foundation to prevent the fundemetalism from happening that feeds on hatred and intolerance. This is liberation. Empty barrels make the most noise and I am learning to stand with confidence against that tide built on the foundation of hatred and bigotry...peace, love and liberty....

This is not about race or politics but the upliftment of a Nation and all the inhabitance within...

Now I shall wait and see for those to judge me while I am at a point of recovery....remember this so far for me is merely about thoughts and not an actualization. People are judged here for their thoughts. I am testing the ethic of this Democracy...

Art and the love of writing....

It is time now to begin writing from a center of a 'truth' away from the pretense of what this may mean culturally. This culture in my opinion has stopped progressing and refuses to adopt new innovative minds if it hasn't anything to do with money,profit or power. It is a game that far too many people are prepared to play. That has always been our greatest tragedy. It is why we have become an exploited people who feel they have lost their soul for a Nation or themselves. Like I said, keep them drinking at the party then plan around them while they are the ones to make the 'money'. There is often more talk about this than books in the classroom that should be about empowerment and progressing the mind.I will not be afraid to include any 'human' themes that relate to me with a full identity as a gay person. It is deep and profound. It embodies a Universe that transcends race, class, politics and gender. I have the courage now to do so with confidence and intelligently. It is not just existing within a community with acceptance but going beyond to feel free to discuss it openly.I speak from the heart and conscience so academia has little time for me.It is how I wish to communicate in art however away from their words of disassociation. I seldom correct my spelling mistakes - I will try to do so more. It is a backlash from the correction of the University experience. I feel I touch people more with an open honesty that relates to my personal experiences. I feel more fulfilled that way. I hope some appreciate my often clumsy attempts at 'truth'. It is what Walt Whitman taught me. I have always tried to do so but now it is without allusion. I believe I speak about love and spirituality more than anything else but must see myself now within that complex reality. I shall never retire from creating but I am learning to do it more humbly with light and love as its source primarily. I have chosen to do all of this on my blog as a freedom protest as for some reason I am excluded from the arts and cultural community, like so many others whether gay or straight. This too has become more about power games rather providing spaces for all of us as Bahamians. I feel we should all break out of those 'molds' they are attempting to construct for us without including the vast majority of our 'voices'. Words are powerful tools when used honestly. I choose to do it with love at the core...peace and love to you...

Naked...

I am not hiding anymore and there is nothing more for me to fear, except perhaps physical harm. I have become 'naked'.Those who still exist in it have no right to judge me, I believe some do. There should be no competition when it comes down to peoples honesty about themselves. I think I bring up many issues that people feel strongly about which is why I have not received too much criticism so far. I believe every body's right should be respected in a Democracy. I can love my enemy or at least tolerate them. I try to love along the way sincerely and so others receive me in that spirit irrespective of how they feel about the issue. I dared to say 'I am' and am 'being'. Actually my private life is sacrosanct to me. I have often felt invaded at a point of it but this was about being happy with myself without hiding behind allusions. It is easy to do this as an artist. Once realizing my falseness, I had to be forthright. I thought I may have sacrificed that part of me which is essential to my identity for the greater good but look what it has become and really we should have progressed farther than this not to understand that gay people are just normal individuals who struggle in their daily lives just like anyone else. Many paths become distorted along the way because there are still some who feel they need to hide but I do not judge them because the fear here is very real. I believe they have become very angry as a result. I have no need for anger in my life anymore.I thought I would take my chances and really I have faith in the majority of Bahamians who have always been more tolerant than they have been given credit for. I get offended for them now when I know that so many have accepted me. Many still don't but I don't feel I need those kinds of people around in my life anyway. They are the unprogressives. I guess people are still just finding out so I am only half way out the revolving door. It is sad but we are often guided by how others perceive us and really what is their right over another. The people in my life who accept me for who I am are now 'community' and family. They are a strange hotch potch and really they are not predominately from the gay community- some are, many more are not. Most if not all are black to kill that stereotype I had but I know quite a few who are not. It was difficult for me during this time to feel accepted. Some just walked on by or looked straight through me as if I had leprosy. Remember this is still just a thought that they are judging -ridiculous isn't it? It is how 'they' keep people in fear. I took a chance and found those who really do love. That is good enough for me. Now to lose 20lbs...peace to you on your journey...

Naked

Zen Moments...

I have decided now to try to become a better person. I have had a lot negativity bottled up in me that has prevented me from loving properly. This was really contained through past hurts, jealousies and disappointment's - some felt justified. Love for me is not a game and really you can't pretend about it - it is a complete journey. Either it is there or it is not. Sometimes it is hard to adopt this philosophy when those around you hate or hide it through fear. There's nothing I can do but let it be.I believe it does come down to wanting less from another person or reality to acquire more spiritually: it is that Zen moment I often speak about. It may mean abandoning old patterns of behavior or thoughts to heal through love. I did most of my thinking in the past while on dope (alcohol). I have been angry but I realize it was myself lost in the chaos of darkness craving light. I have tried to speak through it however, and I have had great loves in my life particularly from men, that can never change. Now I understand I have a divine right to preference. That right cannot be taken away from another but I must remember there are those who do believe that they do have a right to physically do so. I am careful not to forget that. If it is just their words they use then it is just a reflection of their 'ugly'. It is they who wallow in the darkness of hate which only the light of love can release...peace to you and love...

Invocation part one...

Releasing hate
to the wind
all that harms
once realized
jealousies and hurts
unmasked or disguised
love revealed
in fresh currents
pass through heart
warmed and healed
within these
gentle breezes...

Wisdom and stories...

I often use Biblical references in my poetry, although I am not very Religious. Religion sometimes can be used as an instrument of hate and a justification of killing. I hear that a lot from where I sit, even the act of stoning people for their 'sins'. I read the psalms occasionally along with many other teachings but love a good thriller a times. There is much wisdom in many things and I prefer not to throw the baby out with the bath water. I read stories and see them as such. I am a story teller. I believe prophets have existed both men and women and should be respected as such. Their words often reveal truths. I am not at war with anybody anymore and will take what I can apply within the spirit of unconditional love. For those who use the practice of Religion to hate, I say that you and I are on different courses. I hope there will be room in God's loving heaven for you. Otherwise let God's judgement reign and not yours...peace and God's love to you...

Love Unconditional..it is the trinity..as in heaven, so on earth with humankind and God...pass it on!

Song of Solomon...

Sulaiman
prophet of ages
song of wisdom
drifting through
heart
bearing gifts
of love
immortal as the wind
from sages past and new
David's star
chrystal in the air
judgement
merciful and wise
upon
thy Royal thrown...

Love...

Flags blowin'
in the wind
flowin' like love
from the heart
unceasing
elation
found in sweet
rhapsody...

Peace (non partisan symbol)

Based on some of the things I believe...I know why 'they' didn't want me to teach in this community...that's ok because I am now officially retired!

Universal peace...

Chicken or Egg?...

I had an enlightening conversation this morning about which came first the chicken or the Egg. It is sad really that I still do have these conversations here when science over the centuries has made such strides in proving that completely. It is a metaphor but a dumb one. I believe that it can be proven that the Egg probably came first through flying reptiles and through an evolutionary process - you need to check on that as I am not sure but have some vague recollection.Dinosaurs inhabited the earth long before we ever did.That is the problem I have with theology and its teaching in terms of progress or enlightenment. I suppose we will have to go through those stories again and again because it is about people's power fundamentally. It happens a lot here and really one I cannot go back to by any stretch of the imagination. I do believe that there is an intelligent designer of the Universe of which light, energy and love is its source emanating from a point of infinity. It is a make up, I have faith, we are all a part of irrespective of who we are. For me it really isn't about witch craft or Voodoo ceremonies which is what I keep hearing from this arts and cultural community. I have had to step away from that and them as I do believe that the earth does consist of energies and if not used wisely can have a sever backlash - that is my superstition. Really, that is not being black or anything else for me. I have too much intelligence for that so why not use it. It isn't based on our theocracy either which has not embraced 'Modernity' with science that has successfully challenged these archaic teachings. I believe there are many truths to some stories from all peoples an cultures but I try to look at the bigger picture before the origins of the first story at the moment of creation and what I imagine that to look like. I hope I have explained this successfully of how I believe that to be through my own stories and metaphors and beliefs in a natural order. It is just my opinion -that's all.I believe we are a part of the great macro universe of which there is divine purpose created for everybody. I went the pain staking process of explaining some of these symbols that may crop up around us culturally and what they may mean spiritually. Some just follow ignorantly. Its all about love for me but sometimes you do have to leave people behind if they are only going to follow themselves or for power only. Critical thinking is the way forward not just Biblical prophecy or cultural back stepping. I don't know what went wrong with the minds of our people.Intelligent design means just that so use your minds wisely and intelligently...make peace not war...

Invocation...

Come to me
breathe
with this air
conjuring
with imagination
a prayer
this incantation
of speech
moving with ink
words for blood
the power of that
trilogy
mind, you
and this...

Liberty...

Liberty sings
through my blood
in song and dance
ringing with words
like the rustling leaves
on a tree
I am heart
beating in body
throbbing
exalting truth
a stubborn fact
away from dreams
grabbing liberation
to be free...

Remember..this is not a gay agenda but a human one that includes us all...

Caressing moments...

Each moment caressed
a stroke
within its mystery
framing beauty
rippling along in waves
like the shores of a sea
flowing in an easy mind
smooth over the horizon
of body and face
flooded with overtures...

Matters of the Heart...

Now back to the matters of the heart with art and creativity. It is what comes most natural to me.It is easy to get caught up in the hate when you get tied up with some of these peoples attitudes. They seem driven by a different force. There are more tolerant and progressive people around who have no time for petty ignorances. If you are taking this first step along with me then this truly is a road to recovery. I was amazed how prevalent alcohol and drug abuse was in every body's community. I was frightened how much it was so present by people in the gay community. Some people who struggle with their identity do get lost in this abuse. Many seem to be self destructing without a care even though they appeared to be happy and accomplished. It was not a place I wished to be. It is easy to give up caring about your self or anything else. I had to step back to find new outlets away from that party. Life for me now is becoming more than about art. It is about beginning to live it with quality. I never thought art would ever take back seat. Actually, it is making me a better one in the long run.This is about survival for me now with a clearer mind. One can get lost in the 'bacchanal' and revelrie. It makes one forget one's problems but I found I always had to come home to eventually to face me. I am not one of those reformed alchoholics who is preaching about the evils of drinking just sharing my experiences to those like me who used it to escape another reality. I had to get real and admit I was out of control in my life which was becoming absolutley disfunctional. I had the additional help from my family who adopted zero tolerance to my drinking. So it is the healing of mind, body and spirit. I intend to start gradually as this abuse did not happen over night. Good luck to you, on this new path...Love yourself. It's easy once realizing how wrong and out of order those other people are...peace...

Love - Creative Center...

Why did I feel so free this morning..last night I had a beautiful dream. Remember I only claim the imagination with creativity before anyone comes with a butterfly net to take me away. Usually, I have dreams which are filled with images of people, stories or things. Last night was different as it was about sensory explosions, orgasmic blasts relating to the universe with huge patches of color and movement. It felt like it was happening all night long but that is not how dreams work. I am ready now to embrace what is new for me creatively. Everything to me is about creativity with love essential at the center. I try to be grounded normally - you have to be when you are working constantly with the imagination. I have a tendency to slip away with it if my feet are not planted on solid ground and have.
When I woke up, I thought I need to put this down onto my blog but then I realized that is all I have been doing when I started releasing with honesty. It began with my first entry going into my transition. I have always searched for a truth and been honest about how I feel about it. It really is about letting it all go completely to embrace the new. My journey has been about being an artist first of all and this is where I always imagined the creative center to be - a time before a first story with orgasmic explosions, color and movement. It is my desire to reach and create from this point as a modern and contemporary artist - the micro of the great macro. I always sought to discover this in others but realized it must first begin with me. That is why it is important to be yourselves always unfettered. I am just at the embryo of an understanding and I did it all without drugs in the body. I just wanted share this latest development...creativity must be free along with the body and mind. It is true liberation and yes it does include one's sexuality. I am still in a process of healing so don't imagine too much. This about my spirituality which is where I wish my creativity to eminate from. It means being free of fear and having the courage to live it with dignity. It is how I imagined it to be- the Universe is free. and full of love. Now the the task is to apply this to me... peace, love and happiness...

Art is Freedom...creative love

Freedom...

I woke up this morning felling free. Why not, what else is there to be with love. I claim nothing now from this country in how it is developing without me. This is true of many. So many are excluded in this process or reality. Really, we only have one life so why should we waste it on bigotry. Many are just interested in money, power and influence while they have forgotten about the progress of a country. To remain unfettered means releasing oneself from these ties that keeps one tied to those ropes that are about fear and oppression - hate being the biggest of them. Many are just interested in being on top just to keep a people bound within it. This is a disgrace for a development of a country.This has not become about the upliftment for everybody. Education is the key and a people should not be afraid of that. Sometimes that means just letting that be. Money, greed and hate is not liberation. So I don't have a million dollars. That's ok because that is not where love or beauty exists for me. It is not richness. A rainbow exists within everbody individually - release it with love and everything will come naturally. The world is a beautiful place created by a Universe where a God rules greatly. Peace to you on that journey whomever you may be...

Peace...Bahamas (non-partisan symbol)

Support Groups...

I am not an activist and being gay was something I avoided trying to understand all my life but I am aware of many people within in the community that have provided support to people struggling with this issue. Margo Bethel and Helen Klonaris (two very strong gay women)have been gay advocates within this community for a long time. They are both my friends as we are all artists although our paths have led us in different directions. They are two very good people to get in contact with if you feel you need some support - both gay men and women. The gay community as a political arm has been very strong in continuing to press this agenda for awareness here and some do very important work in creating education within the gay and straight community. I am subborn and believed I could do it on my own but if you do need that additional help there are people here who can guide you along on that path. I recommend it because it is difficualt here with our attitudes toward the issues whether black or white or rich or poor. Each struggle is difficult as some feel they cannot go to their family for that support. You are right to be who you are so continue 'to be' with love...

Community...and being gay

It is hard for me to feel disconnected from this community - I know a lot of people from many walks, black and white rich and poor. We have our problems but I grew up with many people from all backgrounds which is why I have adopted a multi-racial perspective - I can't feel superior to anybody because someone is either friend or family somewhere along the line. I have continued that philosophy where ever I have been and in what ever country. I am proud to be black so I have also held that with me. We have our battles here but there is no one that I hate because of it. The reason I wish to do this play 'Rise' was to bring a discussion back to community and family without attacking it. It was difficult for me to 'come out' especially because of how we view this within our community. I was embarrassed. The question arose as to how would the people that I have grown up with treat me if they knew within my community - would they turn away. I know them all. We say such awful things about gay people here, yes, very much in the Bahamian community. It fosters fear and self denial. People make sacrifices because of it. It took courage for me to do this and I did not wish to write a play about it while hiding behind my words. It was time to write this play admittedly as an writer who was gay. Most of the people I know are not gay so this was truly a difficult decision. Would I have a 'community' if they turned their back away from me. I love them.I still feel afraid of that because I really do not feel a part of any particular group. Although I have very many friends in the gay community, I never really separated them from the wider Bahamian community. I don't like separating myself. Strangely enough, I have had more support from heterosexual people than from the gay community in doing this play. I had a doctor friend of mine tell me that he had to let a 20year old know that he had AIDS. His family did not know that he was gay. Many are afraid to communicate with their family, so was I. I am very familiar with our culture and wished to place my play within this context. I am not a young black male struggling with this identity but I have spoken with many. I believe I understand some of the attitudes of why our men here are afraid to embrace it particularly in the Black community. People are more open now than in my day but stigmas still exist. Last night I wised to call the play off because I didn't believe I was strong enough to take on the back lash. I knew today that I had no choice but carry on. Free speech and liberties are important to me and fear should never be an excuse to stop anything from happening. I have a tendency to panic when I am afraid. I can behave like an ass when I do -very awkwardly. I guess it is because underneath it all I am very shy. I find courage though, through writing and art - they are my 'voice'. I wanted to run away from the black community when confronted with my struggle because I know how we fell about these things. I knew I could not hide and really I have too much respect for my community not to be honest with them about this. I trust they will not let me down and treat me with maturity for my choice. Being gay is in every body's family whomever one is whatever class or race. So far they have been very supportive and loving. There are some who really don't accept it but they do love me. That is their right but I appreciate them respecting of my right which is all I ask. How does one be gay? I don't know I am learning just to love me and I believe that comes first of all. It has always been about love for me. I guess I am old fashioned. This is an important discussion to have during this time as I feel we have grown enough to have it. Politics aside this is very scary because Bahamians feel very strongly about these issues. I say it is not another's right to dictate whomever one should love or what two consulting adults do in privacy. I do question who these other people are who feel they have a greater right than any other to determine this or anything else for that matter. I am not an activist and choose just to exist in some sort of harmony. There are class and race differences in the gay community and those prejudices exist there too. One is treated differently because of it depending on who you are according to that race or class. I really am more sophisticated than how I come across but being down to earth is just my way. I have nothing to prove and really I have spent the past ten years being a drunk so who am I pretending to. Thank God I survived. I must say was in fear for our young because of all these drugs on the streets. I had to back track for a moment but trust we have people there now prepared to address these immediate challenges facing them. I felt I had to scream about it again because it really does leave devastation in its wake that have wide social implication that affects all of us within this community. I am an artist and that is what I know best of all. It is important for everybody to realize that because I am gay that I am not a predator. I have more class.Its not my scene, I much rather talk about art and do it. I still see myself as part of the larger community that is about a greater good for the Country. Education is the key and the arts can play a fantastic role in raising awareness about important issues facing this society. I am a story teller that is all...I am writing this play because of the Gay attacks we had in the summer of 2008 -there was a lot of homophobia going around particularly where I work down at the wharf. It was ugly and people from the cruise ships didn't know what to make of it. Many confided to me that they were afraid to even come off of the ships. I wish to put a stop to this hate and 'Rise' is my way. I believe it will be great. Please support it when it comes out...peace...

Peace...and love

Sunshine...

Community worker..now retired!

Advice for the young...

I just would like to give some of advice to some of our young before I move on to live my life. It is important to find yourself through your self-needs. It is important really to live according to your creed. I believe your purpose on earth is written in among the stars but sometimes it may require some humility that some before you do know something that you can learn from because I think I am talking about things that have always happened to us as a people and so when people come to you with some 'song and dance' that promises you the stars beware that you are not the one who they are trying to fuck up just to use against me. That too is a plan to kill off and fragment a generation by playing on some of your vanities, frustrations and anxieties. Sometimes to understand this you do have to look at the least among us with compassion and love. They are often forgotten ones and are always being 'fucked' -that's why many look so broke up. The Bahamas is a beautiful place with beautiful people and has always been with such potential -it is still an embryo in the making. I feel like giving up on myself all the time but then I remember I was put on this earth with purpose and keep going. I don't mean to be condescending but a Nation is a sum total of the whole, to fracture it beyond repair without that understanding where you come from without some respect deserves judgement (from me). I could have been one of those who could have picked up a gun and killed some of these people many times over based on the games I know they are playing on a people but I decided to challenge it through my art and expression, my love and inteligence. I am happy now. Why we always trust people more who do not even live or stay in this country is beyond me - but when some of these 'superiorities' (black, white or mullato)come to you...just say to them- yep, I's just one of them old 'niggies'. I say it now with a smile...peace, love and progress...

Love and the Art of healing...

This is about the road to recovery for those who have fallen victim to alcohol and drug abuse. It is important to begin healing with the self. That is the first love above all else. Years of drinking has brought a terrible toll on my health and I never realized it. I never cared. If you are gay in particular and have fallen prey to substance abuse then know that you matter. You are important and are worth it. Self hatred and being lost in that confusion is a process that takes time to get over but recovery can happen gently - love your self. You are beautiful really. Stopping smoking is going to be the hardest journey so I will begin by cutting down (ten a day to begin with). This is a process of healing that involves body, mind and spirit. I need to grow in all and like I said this thing we call 'culture does not encourage it. Everyone should abandon it really but this is your 'choice' in a free society- it really is a ploy to keep you drunk and dizzy when they do all kind a shit around you. My'chassy' needs repairing and this comes before everything- yes even art. Love will find its way eventually but not before loving yourself completely. So even though I hate it..it's more fruits and vegetables for me. Wish me luck on this path toward a new recovery...peace and love

Declaration Charter for Independence...

1) My Identity is not a commodity as it involves the 'soul' and that is not for sale!
2)I reserve the right as a free citizen of this country to charter the course for my own destiny through my own self determination as a woman and as a free thinking human being unfettered.
3) I will respect the rights of others whomever that may be and know that you have equal rights according to conscience and God but my rights must also be respected fully.
4)I reserve the right to love whomever I wish free of another's interference of that right.
5) My right to freedom of spirituality is a divine right that belongs totally to me and of a greater universe. I have the right to choose that free of another's perspective.
6) Free speech and free thinking is essential to my progress as a human being and I will defend that right -peacefully.
7)Love is at the center of my identity so I reserve the right to stay away from those who hate whomever that may be.
8) It is part of my divine course to develop creatively as a human being free of persecution.
9) Racism or racists and any form of bigotry is denied access within my consciousness. I will challenge it and will expose it in others or myself.

These are my chartered rights that will grow and develop as I do. I am part of an inter-dependent world and universe. Peace and be free...

Wishful thinking?

This last image the other evening I am not sure I can claim with confidence because it might be wishful thinking. It was the image of a man in a court robe. It was judgement, not mine but God's. I thought, finally because why shouldn't this place be judged? i do pray for that day and I am willing to be judged as well as I have alot of the prejudices and problems that I criticize others for but the difference is I try to overcome them - I am honest about them. I had and still have a problem with some of these immigrants in this country, I grew up with some of these bigotries but I try to remove them by loving my enemy and in doing so I have met some of the most beautiful people.It is like Martin Luther King, it does come down to the content of a person's character. I often experience prejudice from them however which have not been removed because they bring them with them particulalry with the Hatian and Jamican community because they hate mullatos.There is also a lot of homphobia that demies people's rights. These prejudices are very ugly and some times they do appear ugly to me.I have experienced a lot of prejudices from the black community because I am of mixed heritages but I haved removed that pain of rejection to overcome with love - I am essentially black and they are the people I predominantly know. This prejudice has denied my rightful place to actively make descisons as a citizen of this country because they feel they are the only ones who feel entitled to it. My problem with some of the white and mullato community here is perhaps more complicated because of political reasons but I think when all is said and done , it really does do come down to our racial divisions. I will always just be a 'nigger' to some of them and they the 'superiorities'. That has not changed in 500 years.I have set my course and believe I should just keep going according to conscience, that is all I have. I use language bluntly because it is important to keep it real for me. People with either accept me or not for my honest talk ...So God, judge on, for me you are still on your thrown - continue to strive for equality, whomever and what ever. It is good for the country and strengthens our Democracy!...

'Street Rap'

I woke up this morning feeling haunted because I am old enough to see what is happening to our country. Like they say what goes around comes around and there is nothing new under the Sun. So I shall share some of my knowledge of some of my experiences for a generation old and young. Bahamians are wise so I believe there will be many who may appreciate this. I will do this because I have spent most of my life as a community worker and really I deserve to rest and to feel my body again. I have sacrificed it for the greater good and really there is a younger generation to take over the helm of leadership in this country and should because it is their birth right to do so. I do not know if anyone reads my blog but I am hoping that some might because I think I am saying relevant things that are about the truth of what is going on. I shall call this entry 'street Rap'. Excuse me if I slip into the vernacular and speak politically for a moment about our development before I retire to develop myself further. The great thing about it , is that I can without any of these things that we call culture but has become nothing more than pure exploitation of a people. It is not my culture and I do not claim it as mine as at the end of the day the only thing that is given to these people are block parties, cocaine, alcohol and guns while the people providing it end up with million dollar bank accounts. It is the intentional destabilization of a people that ensures that any new economic deal coming through meets the instability of a corrupt land. There are both black and white people in the Bahmas who are willing to be instrumental in this.They send in their surrogates who know our language/culture and who play on petty prejudices to divide and conquer. Gay people are lost as well in the labyrinth of abuse of alcohol and drugs and are also falling through the cracks. There is meant to be deliberate confusion which is just smoke and mirrors while other plans are enacted around the people.It is an old geo -political 'trick' that the people keep falling for in the Caribbean and else where because- yeah -we love to dance but we also love to use our minds to develop and plan the course of our own destiny. yeah- we enjoy a drink( i used to) but sometimes we want a clearer mind to deal with our problems rather than through the escape of alcohol and drugs. We read and write and are creative spirits that see far enough into the universe that is expanding with our new discoveries- we help to create them. I like to beat the drum and am a great one probably the best African drummer you will ever meet but maybe I wish to become a great artist or an astronaut to fly to the moon- yes, we do have Bahamians working at NASSA. The development of our language has become one of a dis empowered people and the only thing many can say to express themselves is 'fuck! because it is happening to them. There needs to be a proper comprehensive cultural organization that deals with a diverse peoples , one that is reflective of our overall make up in the Bahams not just the ones with the money because it does appear that the 'ruling' class keeps re arranging economics so that they are the ones who control it. AIDS is being spread rapidly through our community now because of the cocaine trade. People are selling their bodies for it and are sleeping with both men and women. America is supposed to be helping us with this drug problem that we have in the Bahamas but they are not. How can they be when their embassy in surrounded by the largest drug infested areas in the Bahamas and where drug deals are happening day and night. Crooked policeman who are known to be involved in drug dealing and putting guns on the street should be removed and not just moved around on the force. There are far too many illegal aliens and people from all over the world it seems who are involved within this corruption we have here. How is it that this problem cannot be solved with any effectiveness no matter which government is in power. I am withholding my vote in the next election from either party until proper progressive programs are put in place dealing with literacy and critical thinking. If the only people you talk to is of a particular class or race, then please do just walk on by because you really are not the one I wish to associate with. It is important for black people to remember in particular that the animal they resemble in the 'bush' is not the 'monkey' but the gazelle, the giraffe and the elephant that brings them inteligence, wisdom, strength and a spiritual purpose. You may not get people to appreciate that because they never respected your culture or spirituality to begin with.That is a journey however, you are going to have make for yourself with confidence. I do not wish to be 'ruled' by 'Bible pushing' fundamentalists who have no respect for women or human rights and do not live up to the creed of the philosophy they preach themselves. They own the media it seems and believe they are the only ones entitled to the Bahamas - they mean to keep us intimidated through fear for their own power sake and are some of the most hateful people I have ever met! Yes, we are being exploited by some of these big investors who after they have plundered us fully, just pick up and leave with larger bank accounts without any progress or adding to our Democracy.This is my 'street talk' but I wish to retire from community work so as to develop completely as an artist but we can talk about living in the Sunshine if you like...there is much freedom there..peace and love...foregive this rightious rant, it is my declaration of independence!

Weighted heart...

Tired arms
and legs
and heart
they need to rest
they need the ground
to weight them down
let them be still
let them be strong
again
to work,
to walk
to feel
my tired eyes
need time to rest
a moment...

The symbol of Girraffs

Last night as a lay in bed I had the image of a single giraff. I know it may have a universal meaning but I am familiar with it as an African one in particular. In modern times, it has become a symbol for the African continent on the whole and essentially represents grace with intuitiveness and flexability. Its long kneck represents the ability to be visionary 'while still viewing the past and present.' It has a large heart. 'In some African traditions, the girraf is taken to every meeting to assure that the understanding of the heart is undersood as well as the head. It has the ablity to see things from every angle. The girraf uses strength and flexability to align the physical, mental and spiritual faculties of all situations.' My girraf then turned into many, one sat with an elephant with its trunk up. This is a symbol of prosperity. I share this with you as it is encouragement for me as well. I am not very wealthy but am becoming fulfilled as an artist. I am at the place I wish to be creatively. I guess some may ask i.e. those who may still care, what can they do to make some changes in our current situation when they too are feel that they are being sacrificed - that is every race and class. I believe everyone has their special talent to offer and people can help according to themselves. That is the sharing. I dream and believe in fostering them in others but I have also studied and learned. I have trained and given. I have worked for over twenty years in the area I speak about. I have risen and fell.I now wish to just sit underneath the coconut tree and paint. I touch who I can with love and am in no compitition with anyone but myself to do better. There are many hard working young people who just wish an opportunity and a chance like any of us ever did. Now I dream and see images literally. I believe in the power of the imagination. It is my gift and I thank God for it..and so I shall dream on...my father had a good slogan which is apt to what I believe is happening in the Bahamas and it is one that I think we need to understand with full warning, there must be progress without plunder - we are being plundered now and everytime I trust 'those' people I end up getting plundered and desimated. I think I speak as a citizen of the world when I say this. Let us stop for a moment to embrace proper development with minds and heart for ourselves and future generations. This is more valuable by far...peace to you and love...