Keeping the Faith...

I felt like having a good stiff drink today but resisted. It has nine months since my last and 'I've come too far from where I've been' to turn back now. These blog entries have become more like a daily log. I do not mean them to be but all is a process. Being gay is just a small part of what I go through every day. Survival has taken precedence. It has been really difficult during this time to continue as an independent artist out on the wharf. I think I am an artist before anything else. It is my life and reason.I prefer to do my own thing which has always made me quite the outsider and often find myself off on some tangent, life being my source of creativity and that can get quite raw out on the Wharf.I do worry that people who may discover that I am gay will react to me differently or think I may pounce on them- I won't I promise. The opposite couldn't be more true. I am so old fashioned and conservative and live a rather mundane existence which for the most part consists of doing my work, having a cup of coffee after and going straight home to prepare for the next day. I also have the additional fortune of knowing a large number of people in this community. I cannot hide. These revelations were more about facing fears and unlocking the ones in my own mind. I am sure that I may meet someone one day that would be great but that was not the the primary objective in revealing the bizarre mechanisms operating in my mind. All this will be hard getting used to even for me and people I know will either accept me or reject me. Personally I try to love everybody and hold no malice toward anyone. If someone cannot accept me that is their right and I shall leave it as that. So today was another day to keep the faith. It is going to be a long journey during these times and tomorrow I will have to face another day. God speed...