Sincerity of 'self'

Painting by Mary Southdart

I have just searched through my blog entries since 2010 and am amazed at the things I have revealed on it. I don't know where my courage came from or if I should have done what I did at all. It has happened now and I suspect I unveiled the unusual mechanisms in my mind. I am an artist so it is always about risking being open about your 'truth' however absurd it may appear. I have a complex way of looking at the world but all was essential to my identity as a human being. My spirituality is very important ( it is where I wish to create from) I had to see myself a total being even as a political animal at times. I have worked in many areas as an artist and there were always political and philosophical reasons for doing whatever I did, hopefully reflecting my humanity. It is difficult to sit still and find out what that means without trying to 'save' the world. I am growing up. I had to deal with myself without the continued pontification of my views which has driven my ambitions into action. I am getting older now and just wish to see the world through art and the creative experience without 'me' getting in the way all the time. It is time to love earnestly with the sincerity of 'self'. I am really bad at relationships as I allow other less relevant things to get in the way. I needed to find out what was really important to me as love is the only thing worth the effort in understanding. This may sound hokey but it is what I am attempting to really transcend to - I have a long way to go. I discovered I am no Buddhist but respect it. All this to say that it was important to admit my orientation to myself and others before I leave this planet. I suspect others would have handled it differently. It is time now to rest a moment to reflect on what that means with everything else going on in my head and heart. If nothing else, I have written a diary about it all without leaving anything unturned. It is my epitaph when I am gone and my homage to 'truth' as a human being...peace...