Heart of the Universe and other stories...

I have transcended much in my self which is beginning to reflect in my art or at least in my writing and poetry. I have yet to begin to understand what this means with regards to my visuals by using as my center the universe to reach into its spheres. I have the ability to state the obvious but all is in transition. Here is where universal principles are met and physical boundaries are non- existent. I will continue to create from all themes but will attempt to incorporate a wider understanding in relationship to a universal consciousness - love being its source. From here one can create a dissonance or be in harmony and touch on all matters that affect the human soul with all of its emotions and experiences. It is where I believe creativity in centered. My work in the past in whatever I have done has been about the creative process and I needed to begin to understand its origins. I went back into the universe searching out the annals(records) of creation. In some of my early blog entries it is what I was attempting to do and delved into the physics of it. This may have appeared insane to some who may not have understood my thought process. In the beginning of existence there was energy, a continual flow of force and in many of the cases is immeasurable. From here I can create my own stories and direct its destiny according to these vast universal principles. It is also where there can be a point of healing.

Healing is being able to let go of the past. I am very bad at this as I have a tendency to hold onto injuries of things done to me- I can go way back regarding everything. It means that the hurt never heals and true happiness is beyond reach. It is difficult here as there are always things that can re-open wounds that can never let you let go of anything. This can come in personal relationships, family or politics in the Bahamas. One just has to decide how badly one wants to get over something. I was a cripple trapped in the escape of alcohol from all my anger and pain.These blog entries have become an open diary of my thoughts and feelings. It is now showing a process of healing. I think when you go through the understanding of whether you are gay or not, it takes one into great depths as to why this may be so. Could it have been for reasons of the past that have not quite healed. One can carry the scars of having that personal trust betrayed.Women are really treated as second class citizens here. I believed myself to be a healthy heterosexual once wishing everything that may come with it - children, a husband and family etc.... What changed? I have concluded that I had been conditioned to want these things and was hiding my true identity as a gay person. Human sexuality is a complex issue which we are often programed in hence the confusion when one is conflicted at a point of it. In the Bahamas, I grew up having allot of this dictated to me through our traditions and culture. This came predominantly from the family. Family is very big here and I was brought up to believe that this should come first before anything else. We later learn to conform to how society expects us to behave regarding that sexuality. It is simpler not to challenge these things within yourself as this is a scary process that can rock your entire foundation - it has!Why should two people just wishing to be together to find happiness offend anybody? I believe it is because most people are afraid of having their own foundation rocked within them away from these systems of controls that frame our identity. It disturbs their personal and collective mythology. This is a time for healing for everything and to let go as I wish to move on with my very short life. It is what I call 'zero' -i.e. cleaning the slate of the past and learning to reconcile differences with others- there are still many. It is a point of maturity and part of the process of growing up. I am out on a limb here and this may mean only something to myself losing itself in translation to others. I am still learning. My hope with these theories that I am presenting is to show the creative process which I am discovering by using some of the principles of Modernity. I had to approach with honesty my orientation as this was my truth according to what I believe is purpose, others may have another reality that relates to them specifically. Perhaps in the future this may be of some help to someone on their personal search for truth. I am an artist and have used the language as one for the most part. I beg your indulgence for those who are not as this may appear strange to you. I have tried to personalize my experiences to help explain my views. I assure you that I am a good 'sinner'.May the light of love follow you and be your guide to true happiness..peace, love and art...