Modernity and flesh of life...

I am beginning to understand why 'Modernity' may fail while trying to understand how it fits into the flesh of the human experience and why I may have come to a creative impasse regarding my paintings and visual expression- my creative block. I did not know where to go with it next. They lack now a personality and warmth of human feeling. Certainly, it is important to realize that there is a higher reality from how we exist but it is essential to keep human contact while striving toward this goal otherwise we may only become cold, impersonal machines that reflect a sterility. This does sound a little bit like the modern age. The soul is more than energy and light and shape and form. It is full of emotions that show our frailty. It encompasses us as total human beings in the back drop of life. I am beginning to think that I was a better 'flawed' artist before giving up drinking and have found it difficult to find that stream of freedom and spontaneity that came easily when I did. I am, however, a better person to be around and my ability to intellectually grow creatively with more clarity has expanded. I do not wish to abandon my search of how I have concluded to free lines for greater creative freedoms nor disregard simple form as there is much truth in it relating to the universe but the difference between art and science is that art should be a reflection of the soul. It should touch humanity that express the personal experience. It is having the courage to be vulnerable and naked in the moment. I believe Science helps to explain art and human existence but science alone is not enough. Its limitation is that it cannot reflect the soul nor love. That is why it may appear too impersonal. Love is the center of true art and its balance with creation. I often gush with emotions freely but I think it takes tremendous growth to expose the heart to risk failing. That is the human experience and living the truth. The other cold impersonal me that is being reflected in my art presently is not working and is the wrong direction. I feel empty in its execution and results. It should go to follow that I should at least become a better technical artist when having my emotions removed from the experience but the opposite has happened and I find it a has been a chore to paint anything.I am not the best technician or drafts man and certainly there are better artists than I who paint better pictures. My aim is to develop a personal style as an artist based on creative freedoms that is unique to my experience as a human being. It is about my striving toward liberation. I believe I have done well in that journey thus far but I need to risk 'me' more beyond my hidden fears -that dark star that omits no light. Art for me is synonymous with my individual identity. It takes time to develop both with maturity and I am not happy nor complete without the other. If my creativity is not there, I become dysfunctional as a person. I guess that is still my flaw. The struggle continues...peace and love....