Zen Moments...

I have decided now to try to become a better person. I have had a lot negativity bottled up in me that has prevented me from loving properly. This was really contained through past hurts, jealousies and disappointment's - some felt justified. Love for me is not a game and really you can't pretend about it - it is a complete journey. Either it is there or it is not. Sometimes it is hard to adopt this philosophy when those around you hate or hide it through fear. There's nothing I can do but let it be.I believe it does come down to wanting less from another person or reality to acquire more spiritually: it is that Zen moment I often speak about. It may mean abandoning old patterns of behavior or thoughts to heal through love. I did most of my thinking in the past while on dope (alcohol). I have been angry but I realize it was myself lost in the chaos of darkness craving light. I have tried to speak through it however, and I have had great loves in my life particularly from men, that can never change. Now I understand I have a divine right to preference. That right cannot be taken away from another but I must remember there are those who do believe that they do have a right to physically do so. I am careful not to forget that. If it is just their words they use then it is just a reflection of their 'ugly'. It is they who wallow in the darkness of hate which only the light of love can release...peace to you and love...