Community...and being gay

It is hard for me to feel disconnected from this community - I know a lot of people from many walks, black and white rich and poor. We have our problems but I grew up with many people from all backgrounds which is why I have adopted a multi-racial perspective - I can't feel superior to anybody because someone is either friend or family somewhere along the line. I have continued that philosophy where ever I have been and in what ever country. I am proud to be black so I have also held that with me. We have our battles here but there is no one that I hate because of it. The reason I wish to do this play 'Rise' was to bring a discussion back to community and family without attacking it. It was difficult for me to 'come out' especially because of how we view this within our community. I was embarrassed. The question arose as to how would the people that I have grown up with treat me if they knew within my community - would they turn away. I know them all. We say such awful things about gay people here, yes, very much in the Bahamian community. It fosters fear and self denial. People make sacrifices because of it. It took courage for me to do this and I did not wish to write a play about it while hiding behind my words. It was time to write this play admittedly as an writer who was gay. Most of the people I know are not gay so this was truly a difficult decision. Would I have a 'community' if they turned their back away from me. I love them.I still feel afraid of that because I really do not feel a part of any particular group. Although I have very many friends in the gay community, I never really separated them from the wider Bahamian community. I don't like separating myself. Strangely enough, I have had more support from heterosexual people than from the gay community in doing this play. I had a doctor friend of mine tell me that he had to let a 20year old know that he had AIDS. His family did not know that he was gay. Many are afraid to communicate with their family, so was I. I am very familiar with our culture and wished to place my play within this context. I am not a young black male struggling with this identity but I have spoken with many. I believe I understand some of the attitudes of why our men here are afraid to embrace it particularly in the Black community. People are more open now than in my day but stigmas still exist. Last night I wised to call the play off because I didn't believe I was strong enough to take on the back lash. I knew today that I had no choice but carry on. Free speech and liberties are important to me and fear should never be an excuse to stop anything from happening. I have a tendency to panic when I am afraid. I can behave like an ass when I do -very awkwardly. I guess it is because underneath it all I am very shy. I find courage though, through writing and art - they are my 'voice'. I wanted to run away from the black community when confronted with my struggle because I know how we fell about these things. I knew I could not hide and really I have too much respect for my community not to be honest with them about this. I trust they will not let me down and treat me with maturity for my choice. Being gay is in every body's family whomever one is whatever class or race. So far they have been very supportive and loving. There are some who really don't accept it but they do love me. That is their right but I appreciate them respecting of my right which is all I ask. How does one be gay? I don't know I am learning just to love me and I believe that comes first of all. It has always been about love for me. I guess I am old fashioned. This is an important discussion to have during this time as I feel we have grown enough to have it. Politics aside this is very scary because Bahamians feel very strongly about these issues. I say it is not another's right to dictate whomever one should love or what two consulting adults do in privacy. I do question who these other people are who feel they have a greater right than any other to determine this or anything else for that matter. I am not an activist and choose just to exist in some sort of harmony. There are class and race differences in the gay community and those prejudices exist there too. One is treated differently because of it depending on who you are according to that race or class. I really am more sophisticated than how I come across but being down to earth is just my way. I have nothing to prove and really I have spent the past ten years being a drunk so who am I pretending to. Thank God I survived. I must say was in fear for our young because of all these drugs on the streets. I had to back track for a moment but trust we have people there now prepared to address these immediate challenges facing them. I felt I had to scream about it again because it really does leave devastation in its wake that have wide social implication that affects all of us within this community. I am an artist and that is what I know best of all. It is important for everybody to realize that because I am gay that I am not a predator. I have more class.Its not my scene, I much rather talk about art and do it. I still see myself as part of the larger community that is about a greater good for the Country. Education is the key and the arts can play a fantastic role in raising awareness about important issues facing this society. I am a story teller that is all...I am writing this play because of the Gay attacks we had in the summer of 2008 -there was a lot of homophobia going around particularly where I work down at the wharf. It was ugly and people from the cruise ships didn't know what to make of it. Many confided to me that they were afraid to even come off of the ships. I wish to put a stop to this hate and 'Rise' is my way. I believe it will be great. Please support it when it comes out...peace...