The Body and a Mindful Soul...

It is amazing how I have allowed my physical body to deteriorate. I smoke and drank with additional abuses to diet etc... It is as if I had stopped caring about myself completely. Being an alcoholic does do that to one. I also believe that if one is struggling with your orientation, the body can be something that one is afraid of - that too is about love and acceptance. This is not true for everybody but it is for some. One exists in some sort of sexual shame, hiding not wishing to claim the body at all. It is what I called a part of being 'veiled'. We are so immature when it comes to discussing matters of sexuality here amongst other things. Everything is done or learned in secrecy, often manifesting in the wrong way. Perhaps things have changed in this day and age but the church did not allow for healthy discussions to take place around these issues in my time - people are still talkin' bush' stories. The hypocrisy of it is that they just ended up doing anything they wanted to anyway but pretended other wise. We far too often are guided by what things appear to be and not what it actually is. It is hard for me to take seriously any criticism based on sexual morality when very few people exercise it or have ever done culturally.The difference between me and many of these other people is that I searched my God and conscience on these questions of morality. I am satisfied that I have reached the right decision based on both. I believe it is important to be honest with one's self and sometimes it is hard for me to relate to some members of the gay community as this for me is not just about being sexual but encompasses a mind and a body which I hold sacred. My identity is much broader to include my spirituality. I am difficult but these are questions of intimacy so I don't mind taking my time to get to know someone. It does take a lot to trust another with this whole reality. Maybe this is still the 'Catholic' in me although I do admire those who do feel empowered to experience themselves with out shame - it is liberation. I have taken you down this journey of my transformation. I have been honest and frank. Was I asking permission? No, I was 'unveiling' myself once this realization was made. Those fears I held were stupid ones as they were based on the ignorance's of others. This is a process of healing after a lot of pain as I hid behind the cultural fears craving acceptance but if others are not prepared to see me as who I am then I must now leave them behind. I am not loyal to that at all and seek now to abandon all those things that kept me in conflict. How did I know I was gay? I fell in love...it is as simple as that. I also believe strongly in our 'oneness' as a humanity so the practice of Buddhism is perfectly timed with these other developments including my creativity. I will never understand prejudices but there are many people I chose to stay away from now because of them. If the 'Black' community or any other perspective ( Homophobia exists in all communities) chooses to deny people's rights then you should not be surprised as people begin to determine their reality that they should wish to stay away from you. It is your prejudices that is the aversion. This final journey I embark on is toward the body and a mindful soul. It is about providing a passage of spirit. This is a God given right that you have no right to deny. Not allowing people to be themselves and experience fully who they are is oppression of the worst kind and is anti God. What is 'natural' to you may not be 'natural' to others. This realization requires maturity and growth but do not expect for others to wait while you get there. I advocate abandoning those oppressive regimes and you...peace...