Reconstruction with Form....

I always find it difficult when I decide to do something. There is a natural rebellion in me that normally goes in the opposite direction once concluding to do it. It makes it hard for any sort of continuity in my life as I resist fixed realities. I enjoy the spaces to be open with a free flow allowing for these changes. I am at a stasis and block now when it comes to my paintings. I believe I have exhausted the style that I have been working with and know I need a change. I am not a figurative artist but feel It might be best to return to this form for a moment to reconstruct some of what I have stripped away. It is essential for me to begin exploring color and light with some of these assurances - I wish to begin with form. I am not a realist and naturally rebel against it but feel I need to acquire this discipline in some form again. Perhaps I may discover some new things once returning to the 'flesh' of a piece. The peculiar thing about it is during this time where I went through some of the most complex understandings in my mind and feelings, my art became more simpler and honest. I need just to 'be' now for a moment and to take things down. I feel that I have put allot out there with regards to my emotions with a full honesty in my writing in particular. I need to build again a container to protect them in. This was not an easy journey I embarked on and the best way I felt to deal with it was to peel away the protective layers that disguised my true feelings - I had a tendency to hide in my art rather than release it with truth. I do feel somewhat exposed. I need to be more grounded.It is time to digest what I have discovered in the process and have it reflected creatively. There is much to fathom. It requires a different energy and focus. All is a process...peace...