Mysticsim, Spirituality and Art...

I have a tendency to be self depreciating about everything I do, including my creativity. It is because I know I am no where I wish to be as an artist and if I took more time I could develop things further. Art is my passion and what ever relationship I do end up in I think that will be their only rival. I have worked hard over the years in trying to understand a path to take regarding it. I have suffered for my art and am pretty poor but have had the privilege which has exposed me to greater understandings and travels. Actually much of which I talk about is not strange at all if anyone has read or worked with other cultures or exposed themselves to reading and writings. I have now taken to explaining how this process happens as I believe I am being guided to reveal how I work and approach it. Years ago I worked with the great Bahamian artist Tony Mackay. For those who do not know, Tony was a fine musician and an artist who drew on cultural and spiritual mysteries through his art. There was recently an exhibit for his paintings. They are 'child like' but held information primarily from his Bahamian roots which he traced back to Africa. He was for all purposes a mystic. He is perhaps best known as the 'Obiah man' and in the sixties spent much time in Grenedge village, New York which was an artist colony with some of the greatest artist and Musicians the sixties and seventies had ever produced I am proud to call him my friend as he was foremost a beautiful human being. I spent many years with my friend watching him as he worked and how he approached art. He spoke of how he saw images and guides that gave him inspiration. I was young and could not quite appreciate what he was referring to. I too had imaginative images but they were more universal in nature so our paths divided as I moved onto my personal journey of discovery. Mysticism is the pursuit of communion with, identity with, or conscious awareness of an ultimate reality, divinity, spiritual truth or God through direct experience, intuition, instinct or insight. Mysticism may be dualistic maintaining a distinction between the self and the divine, or not. Differing religious traditions have described this fundamental mystical experience in different ways. For Judaism the mysteries were held in the writings of the Cabala or in Islam Sufism. These mystical arms have remained controversial in these faiths but many if not all cultures hold the secrets to universal mysteries. The Native American as opposed to Christianity refers to it as the 'dream quest' and unlike Christianity does not inhabit good or bad spirits nor hold a heaven or hell. Each encounter with a spirit or image is merely there to help the individual along his or her path. Traditionally in most earth cultures including Africa there existed the role of the Shaman. They still exist in some cultures. Shamanism encompasses the belief that shamans are intermediaries or messengers between the human world and the spirit worlds.Now I express all this to say that what I have been experiencing as an artist is not unusual at all and outside of these traditional roles I believe each individual inhabits their personal understanding of these mystical secrets that relates to them and community, the conduit being creativity. Therefore art and artists may find themselves in touch with some of these universal and spiritual mysteries. My journey started off as a journey of self which is now evolving into the passage of the soul. Like in the symbol of the double mobius which embodies both the self and soul, there will always be a struggle to find the balance of the two. Each is needed to create harmony, peace and mind. I can quite easily get lost in the equation. In fact with the image of the star of Bethlehem there was an interchanging image of the Goat which relates to self, each struggling to be born. My path however is about light and love and I have chosen the sign of unconditional selfless love (not me but God). Why was it important to see this symbol of Christianity for me? It was a struggle as I really did believe that being gay was against the fundamentals of this faith. It was a conflict that I have had to live with. That is why I said that this was the most assuring symbol of all as in spite of what we are taught through fear that God's love is unconditional no matter who we are. I am satisfied with that and in all honesty I believe it is a conflict that most Bahamians go though at a point of self loathing and fear what ever the delema. There is no need and no man or woman is connected to God more than the other. We have a tendency here to hold onto the prophesies from the old testament instead of embracing the new with light and love. It should be respected for those who follow it however that does not entitle anyone to speak on behalf of another taking away their right to their spiritual truth. To do so removes free will and is fascistic. In the Bahamas it is terrible here because we are so caught up in divisions - PLP, FNM, UBP, Black Bahamian, white Bahamian, rich and poor- who has time to see their potentiality or find true love with all this shit and each generally in their own corner and safety groups. I guess this is what God dealt me and the world is really just the same only different realities. My problem has always been that as soon as I decide that I am gay some man shows up on the scene. This has been a test as it is comfortable not to test the waters of my own consciousness and truth. For anyone else who may struggle with anything just ask the question who do you love more...that should be your guide but there are no guarantees.I make this journey now with acceptance and know i do not have to repeat patterns emanating from fear or simply on one i just have to settle on. As for my art I give it away everyday without some journal of what I am doing. I am assured by my guides that they shall resurface as worthy pieces of art. I have experimented with many styles during this time but the simplest one brought me the greater understanding of these Universal understandings. I am not fixed and will change with the questions I continue to ask...peace, love and respect and the choice and life is entirely yours enjoy the journey...with love and light as your protection however one perceives that...and the next time dey say..'that's what in the Bible', say 'God tell me love better'...and people should not be afraid if they are attracted to someone of their own sex because it really does not mean that one is gay but if you are there is nothing wrong with that either..be happy!