Identity Crisis...

When I first thought that I may be gay, which came in my early twenties, I immediately fell into an identity crisis. This was coupled with the schizophrenia of being from a bi racial background. Not only did I feel I could not identify with any particular race, I also had the additional struggle with the issue of my orientation. I valiantly attempted to hide my confusion about both. As an artist, I quickly threw myself into a myriad of cultural and political issues and continued to repress any feelings of my sexual orientation. I think I went around for a long time being embarrassed to admit I did not know what world to fit into or who I was. I suspect that is when my drinking began to become a problem. I tried my best to maintain the facade of being normal but truly was running away from facing either. It has taking me a long time to understand that self acceptance can only come when one does not allow others to dictate who one should be nor set one's agenda. It has been a difficult journey. When we look at it realistically, I am first generation Bahamian still searching for a place to identify with. I believe I have made the first step in coming to terms with my orientation and I have learned that it doesn't matter what race you are at all. Both of these conclusions have taken me a long time to understand and accept. This is hard in the world and particularly in the Bahamas where we have not dealt with any of these issues with any real sense of maturity complete with our prejudices. I hope with my dialogue I can begin to start the process of relating to issues in my own life which may also have some relevancy in our own country. I have a tendency to speak about love a lot because it is beautiful to love and very rewarding. Learning to love yourself is the greatest reward. It starts with honesty and a declaration of Independence of self. It is a new and exciting journey that I embark on and claiming space is an exciting process especially learning that no one has the right to deny it!