The Dream...

Corinthians ¹³'And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.'

Last night I woke up in a sweat after a long dream. I have gone into painful detail of how I have become an Atheist only recently becoming confirmed in the Anglican Church but after last night perhaps I am more the agnostic or just screwed up psychologically. After my last entry onto my blog yesterday, things were going so terribly particularly financially that I was convinced that there could not be an existence of a God. I hated everyone! So I went home early from my usual coffee time at Starbucks and went straight to bed. I soon fell into a deep sleep and found myself in an old Anglican church in a dream. Around me were the parishioners and several priests with my mother who just recently passed sitting in a pew in the front of them. The environment was hostile and the Congregationalists resented my presence there in the Church. My mother, a devout Anglican, sat patiently as one of the Priests behind her searched his Book of prayers to use against me. She sat there and listened quietly as he recited from the Bible then began to match him prayer for prayer without one. It was if a spiritual battle was taking place with my mother as my protector through prayer and I heard her vividly recall the name of the prayers she was countering on my behalf particularly passages from Corinthians. Although I have trouble with Paul's writings particularly regarding the roles of woman in the Church, Corinthians predominantly concerns itself with pride and occupation with social status. Paul says “love never fails,” or perhaps more accurately, “love never ends” The Church people had only become concerned about themselves and who came out on top, and it was ruining their testimony before unbelievers. They would eventually be judged by Angels. Corinthians are where there are some of the most beautiful passages relating to love.
The Congregation stopped full breast in amazement then watched my mother reel off these prayers one right after the other. She then said that these prayers were her body. I woke up suddenly with palpitations . I myself have been a great believer in prayer and could be often seen walking around with my tattered Anglican prayer book until quite recently. This does not change the fact that I am gay in any way, in fact it gave me strength and hope with these revelations. The Anglican and Episcopalian Church around the world has been the leaders in promoting gay civil unions and ordaining homosexual and women priests but sadly there has been slow change on our shores like many Caribbean and African Nations which are steeped in strong Traditions complete with homophobia. I still believe that life should be about living, loving and the right to self determination. Our Institutions have become far too antiquated here and are imploding. They seem more interested in holding onto the mantle of power. Hopefully the Church will catch up with more progressive times but for now as agnostic you will probably see me with my Anglican prayer book. I don't know if I could ever be a part of this Church here ever again but once an Anglo- Catholic, always a Anglo-Catholic. My mother's message I believe was to be myself and be happy with that. You will find love by seeking love. So should she be listening somewhere, thank you for your prayers...